The Summer I Met Him & The Season I Met Me

Ten summers ago, I met my husband in the most classic of ways—I was bartending at a golf course, he walked in, we locked eyes, and just like that… we fell in love. The rest, as they say, is history.

Early on, while getting to know each other, he asked me what I wanted to do with my life. Thinking I'd never see him again, I figured I had nothing to lose and told him the unpolished truth. I didn’t say I wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, or a teacher. I simply said, “I want to be a stay-at-home mom.”

Last night, I joined a few Ocean State Kids mamas for a mothers' circle. I wasn’t sure what to expect but decided to nudge myself out of my comfort zone. One of the first things Bianca asked us to share was: “Who are you outside of motherhood?”

And the only answer that came to mind was… I don’t know.

It caught me off guard — how hard it was to admit that. There was a twinge of embarrassment, even though I know I’m not alone in that feeling. Many mothers feel this way, and still, saying it out loud made it real in a way I hadn’t felt before.

I had my first baby at 29. Not particularly young, but still too early to have fully met myself. And last night, it hit me: in my true adulthood, I’ve never really had the space to discover who I am beyond being Henry’s, Calvin’s, and Malcolm’s mom.

Motherhood can easily take over every part of our identity. Our thoughts are filled with snack rotations, nap schedules, parenting podcasts, diaper stockpiles, and research on how to raise emotionally intelligent kids. The mental load is endless, and there’s hardly room to wonder who we are underneath it all.

But here’s what I’ve come to believe: we don’t lose ourselves in motherhood—we evolve. Motherhood doesn’t erase who we are; it chisels away what isn’t needed and slowly reveals who we were meant to become all along.

Right now, I may not have a clearly defined identity outside of being “mom.” But being their mom is shaping me into someone I truly admire: softer, more grounded, more emotionally aware, more present. I’m becoming someone who feels things deeply and loves even deeper.

These are the stepping stones. And I know they’re leading me somewhere beautiful—I just haven’t arrived yet.

Someday, I’ll rediscover who I am outside of motherhood. But for now, I’m content growing, evolving, and learning right alongside my boys.